Posts (page 2)

I had no idea that there was a “Science” of or to TRAFFIC but this documentary I watched on TV recently said there was and after viewing it I was convinced they were correct. That makes it official: Clarence agrees with one group of so called “experts.” The universe is once more, out of kilter.

Here’s what this old guy knows for sure about traffic….He HATES it with a fervor that is rare.

I’ve had a problem with road rage for many years now. For me, grid lock and thoughtless drivers or stop and go traffic anywhere transforms me into that raging cartoon character we’ve all seen on those public announcement type videos which featured our illness. OR, is it a disease?

I’m dangerous when I get that way; dangerous to myself and others on the road with me. Isn’t that a terrible confession? I’m not proud of it. I simply have no control over it. I wonder if my insurance agent is aware of the fact? Probably not and it’s a good thing too.

You know what my nightmare job would be? Being a professional driver; something like driving a Taxi or bus or long haul trucks or stretch limo. I’d rather be in Hell with my back broke!

I’m tempted to begin a list of all the persons and situations they present which send me into a rage but I know the list would be lengthy, boring to some certain readers and of little use to anyone but those who are like me and would read my list and nod in agreement. It wouldn’t do anything to help the problem anyway but I just may feel a little better after getting that need to rant off my chest.

Saying that…there is one NEW group of IDIOTS that needs to be pointed out.

That’s all you people out there who can’t seem to drive without having a cell phone in your hand.

You know what I saw last evening as I returned from taking videos back to the store?

A DEPUTY SHERIFF IN HIS CRUISER WHO WAS DRIVING WHILE TALKING ON HIS CELL PHONE!

When I see something like that….I know….there is no hope of this new cell phone problem ever getting any better.

When one looks at life, their view point is often, very narrow.  A one person width perspective of the world around them. Since it is impossible for me to walk a mile in another man's shoes, I can only imagine what life must be like for others.

     This particular morning, I contemplated the joys and pleasures, the hurts and sorrows of life.  I noticed how the things which brought me pleasure have changed over the years.  I was like any other child when it came to pleasure.  Amusement Parks, toys, games, candy, good food, a warm bed to sleep in and lots of hugs and kisses from my Mother.  I placed little value on friends and relationships or other matters of more mature importance.  I was small, and I lived in a small world.

     Rain was something to play in, overflowing gutters along the edge of the sidewalks were an opportunity to sail stick-boats.  Thunder was a signal for Mom to plug-up her ears with her fingers and run screaming through the house, looking for someplace to hide and her actions were another chance for we children to snicker under our cupped hands.  It was funny we thought, and it gave us reason to laugh.

     In my childish eyes, a Butterfly was not a thing of grace and beauty, it was a curiosity.  How did it ever get any place?  It flaps those, large, flat wings straight up and down.  Why didn't it simply stay in one place, moving up with the down stroke and down with the up stroke?  Bugs, worms, spiders and snakes were objects to scare little girls and some other boys with, sending them screaming into their houses.  That was a strange kind of pleasure.

     It was fun to be able to do things which other kids just knew you shouldn't be able to do.  I didn't know what the words DANGER or RISKY implied.  Life was forever and death was not a subject children thought about.  Sickness was something which kept you in the house and out of school for a few days.  Recovery and release back into the outside world was heightened by the temporary confinement and the search for new ways to experience pleasure only stimulated my childish imagination.

     A cut or scrape hurt alright, but man, Oh man!  what an opportunity it was to show everyone how tough I was.  I was able to overcome the pain and the need to cry when I found out how easy it was to impress others by not crying.  The larger the wound, and the more it bled, the more others were impressed with the lack of tears.  Physical pain was something you bore up under, but, emotional pain was where the real strength was called for.

     I was almost fifty years old, and still, I could look back at the past and once again, know the pain brought about by some of my childhood experiences.  The beatings I received at the hands of other boys were painful; painful physically and emotionally.  A bloody nose or a black eye would heal over time, likewise a severe bruise or a deep laceration, but a crushed EGO and hurt pride stayed with you for many years to come.  How could a grown man bring himself to explain the kind of pain he felt when he was not picked for one side or the other during a childhood, football game?  To stand there, unwanted, either alone or along side of some other rejected soul, and watch as the rough and tumble game progressed.

     How painful was the rejection of your first infatuation?  Was it a crushing blow to your young heart?  Did you feel that surely you would die as the result?  I did....

     Another boy would poke fun at and make jokes about my big ears, call me Howdy Doody, tell me how ugly I was and let me know in no uncertain terms how stupid I was, to even think that some pretty girl would want me as a boyfriend.  I have beaten some handsome faces into bloody pulps and made them retract their statements in front of witnesses to help numb the pain I was feeling from the assault of their words.  It was about as effective as pouring cold soda pop over a six inch gash in your leg.  It felt good for a little while, then the pain returned.  A fight a day, keeps the Bullies away, was my motto.  It seemed I had a lot of pain which needed numbing.

     There are many weapons which another can use to inflict pain.  The most affective, and cruel one is LOVE.  Love can lift a young heart to dizzying heights, like being caught up in an Eagle's talons, soaring high into the sky, only to be dropped.  On the way down, love changes into a razor-sharp blade, which slashes and hacks until your heart and soul are bloody, ribbons.  What remains of you doesn't even make a THUD when it hits bottom.  It settles, silently, into one oozing, painful heap, and just lays there, while the earth soaks up your life force.

     After living in this world for almost seventy years, a great many things have changed.  My natural vision has diminished, but the way I perceive the world around me has expanded tremendously.  Joy and pleasure are induced by the most simplistic events.  A thought, or a remembered scene of nature can swell my being with boundless joy.  A cool, evening breeze, after a sweltering day, or the fragrance of some unseen blossom, drifting on that same breeze can fill me with a sense of pleasure, and I know the need to express my thankfulness to someone.  If you are fortunate enough to have been blessed with another who loves you, at a time like that, a simple touch is ecstasy, an emotional high which you wish you could maintain for a life time.

     I see beauty all around me, and very little escapes my appreciative gaze.  I regret, so very much, all the times in the past, when I looked and did not see such things.  How could I have been so blind?  This is one of life's greatest mysteries.  What is it that causes one to have such clearness of vision?  If I knew what it was for sure, I would make it into a pill and give it to every new-born baby, so they would miss nothing that this world has to offer in the way of joy and pleasure.

     My Bible says, "Be ye transformed, by the renewing of your mind."  If that is it, then what power gives us the ability to renew our minds?  Where was that power during all the years of my youth?  It's not as simple as "Positive thinking", for the transformation allows me to see the negative aspects of myself.  My pride would not allow me to admit "Failure" in anything, yet I have been able to see my own failures.  Calling them "Short-comings" doesn't alter the fact that I have failed at so much in my life.

     I also have been successful in many ways.  I know a sense of self-satisfaction as a result of successes, but it doesn't bring me joy, or pleasure.  Self esteem only puffs up the EGO.

     It is the very fact that I have known success in so many areas of my life which brings me to expect more of myself.  It is the fact that I do possess this new-found vision, which allows me to see so clearly, to understand what I never understood before, which keeps me from accepting failure on my part, in any aspect of my life.

     I cannot, and nay!, will not, settle for less than the best I am able to achieve with the abilities which I have been so blessed.  I can be a better father, a better husband, a better neighbor, a better friend, a better Christian, a better citizen, a better person.  Even should I fail at my attempts to improve in all these area, the fact that I was willing to try, brings me pleasure.

     Thank You God, for I now believe that you have provided the power which fuels this new vision, which enables the renewing of my mind, which gives me the reason to be willing to try.

 

  

 

If you click on either of these photos you can view a larger, closeup image. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is for all Scientists and other professionals whose job it is to worry about stuff like the state of health of various species of creatures on the Endangered List.

I understand that one or two thriving pockets of insects does not mean there is nothing to worry about; but it's a start anyway.

I've been feeding Hummingbirds for a few years now and enjoying the activity more than I can find the words to express.  I don't mind all the work and focus needed to accomplish it successfully.  Keeping the sugar solution fresh and sanitizing the feeders weekly doesn't seem like a chore when the little birds sit on the feeder hangers, twittering and tweeting with excitement while I systematically take away each feeder in turn and then return it, full and clean.

My reward is the acceptance of me being near the beautiful, little creatures as they interact with one another and enjoy the safety and abundance of our backyard.  Their antics are so special, the aerial displays they put on, bring about in all of us that are watching them, a sense of wonder and amazement.

But...NOW there is competition between the birds and the bees and NO! it has nothing to do with sex education.  The Bees swarm all my feeders for most of the day and the little birds grow weary of defending themselves from the constant Bee attacks as they try to find room to get in a few, quick sips; so they go elsewhere until late in the evening, after the Bees have returned to their colony for the day.  At least they can get enough food to carry then through the night that way.

Here's my problem: I don't appreciate the Bees driving my little bird friends away; it angers me and I have threatened to take the feeders down, forcing the Bees to seek their nectar in the other places they once depended upon for sustenance.  My main concern is, if I remove that food source for the Bees, is there a danger of bringing negative affects upon their future survival?

There may be no basis for my concerns, however, I do believe these Bees are a mutant species because they appear to be smaller in size than the Bee I remember from my past years as a child or teenager.  Everyone knows that Bees love Clover.  It was the most common green plant found in everyone's yard way back in the mid twentieth century.  Today, WE who diligently tend our "yardens" apply chemical weed killers to our lawn, thereby essentially reducing the natural food sources for the common Honeybee.  ARE WE that cause of reduction in the numbers of Bees we depend upon so much for the pollination of our staple food crops that certain top Scientists have been concerned about and warning us about so often today?  I fear it might at least be contributing to the problem. 

As I think about it, perhaps we humans need to start putting out plates, saucers and shallow bowls of sugar-water for our little insect assistants.  Hummingbird feeders that have abnormally large feeding openings in them can become a death-trap for any number of species that depend upon nature's nectar as their normal food source.  Large, open, shallow containers would allow limitless access to and no threat from drowning, and actually, Hummingbirds COULD feed from that type of food source also if they were so inclined.

What to do!?  What to do!?

Does anyone out there have a suggestion or comment to add with my own?   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It's a Yard Machine.  No kidding; that's the brand.  How appropriate.

It is replacing my old 8 hp Murray rider that I've had since 94. If my math is right, that's 15 years of service.  It isn't through yet.  I promised my daughter that she could have it as soon as I got this new one.  I kept it in good shape; did all the right maintenance over the years.  I replaced the front tires but the rear ones are the originals.  I hope they last her a while, perhaps she will be able to afford a new one by then.

This new Yard Machine is a lot more machine than I am accustomed to. It's much bigger, has a 42 inch cut where my old Murray only had 30 inches. It's 17.5 hp, has seven forward speeds and goes through our 48 inch fence gates with an inch and a half to spare. That's a close fit and I've got to be careful. No more opening both gates and zooming around the entire yard, front to back; back to front, never giving the gate clearance a second thought.

Here's something that might help anyone out there who's considering buying a new riding mower.  When you get it home, be sure to check and see if it has been filled with oil at the factory.  This one had oil in it and even though the owner's manual informed me that such was the case, it turned out that it had too much oil in it and that's a NO-NO. Bad for new engines.  The funny thing is, when I called Home Depot, where I had purchased it, they said they didn't put oil in it so I needed to call the manufacturer to complain.  Complaining was not my main reason for wanting to talk to some responsible.  What I was really interested in was doing what I could to prevent the same thing happening to another customer by having those responsible do a better job of filling engine oil more accurately. 

This really irked me:  when I finally did get to speak with someone at MTD, the company that manufactures The Yard Machine, the man I spoke with informed me that his company doesn't put oil in their machines; saying that even after I informed him that the owner's manual that came with it SAID THEY DO.  Do you suppose that was a bald face lie and he was trying to do whatever he could to defend the good name of his employer?  On the surface, it appears that it was a lie so I will believe that he did have some kind of motive or perhaps he just likes to tell lies.  I've known that kind of person before.  I'm not mentioning any names but you know who you are.

Not only did this purchase help to stimulate the economy but it also stimulated me in a Tim the Toolman kind of way. I felt this animalistic gutteral growl well up within me when I finally got the engine started.  SO...the battery was dead when I got it.  Who could have guessed that would happen?  The smell of new rubber turns me on as much as that new car smell and this mower has plenty of new rubber smell. After the shed doors have been closed all night, I light to go out, slide the doors apart just enough to get my head in and take a large breath.  WOW!  What a treat.

I must give credit where credit is due now.......I have this new mower thanks to my sister-in-law.  She is so generous. If she comes into an unexpected windfall, she likes to share it with those that have been charitable with her.  Do the right thing when it is called for and somewhere down the line, you will be rewarded, if not in kind then when you get to Heaven and God points out all the good you did during your life time.  Gail is going to be standing before God a long time, twisting and squirming around; feeling uncomfortable because of all the good things He had to say about her.  I know it will happen....she's just that kind of person; having been and always will be that way.  God will like that about her because He never changes either.

There are some who say that a “Real Community” does not exist anywhere on the Internet. I see that opinion as very narrow minded. I also understand how one’s point of view can be so focus oriented due to the unusual circumstances brought about by the evolution of said Internet.

Experience will teach one that they simply can’t be sure whom it is they are communicating with. The Internet is permeated with phonies. I don’t see why that fact, even if it is true, matters a great deal. Just because one can communicate with a flesh and blood person, face to face, shake their hand or look into their eyes while they are speaking, that fact doesn’t prevent someone from being phony. Most people are seldom what they seem on the surface. The majority of individuals live their lives hidden behind some kind of façade. They present to the world a mask, one that they have formulated over time for any number of reasons.

These masks are shaped and painted by human experiences. Many people have been living behind their masks for so long, even they don’t know who they really are. They have become the sum total of all the aspects of the phony image they project.

The one basic ingredient that is missing from the Internet is genuine TRUST. We have learned to take anything that someone communicates to us with a grain of salt. There is always a measure of doubt present between individuals even after they have been communicating for a considerable period of time. When you boil it down, the Internet is transforming all of us, making us paranoid and fearful of all others.

While I was looking up definitions for the word “community” I came across this: “Sharing, participation, and fellowship.”

Unless someone has invented a BS detector and is keeping it to themselves, I don’t believe there is any SURE means of being able to trust anyone we meet on the Internet with one hundred percent certainty. Even now, it is difficult for me to accept that someone would be capable of perpetrating some of the horrendous hoaxes that have taken place there. I’ve seen so much, I’ve become jaded to the point of not accepting a death bed confession when one is offered over the Internet.

Call me an eternal optimist, for I still have hopes of finding one of those rare gems, one who writes the truth, one who is willing to open their heart and share it’s true contents, one who is willing to participate in genuine fellowship. They are rare; that’s why they are gems, and I believe they actually do exist.

With some people I’ve run into on the Internet, it takes a sledgehammer to crack that shield of suspicion and doubt. Their skin is as thick as a Rhino’s hide. They have been duped so often they keep their heart and emotions inside a crack-proof safe constructed of six inch thick skepticism. I do wish it wasn’t so.

Some are like myself; they truly desire to make that spiritual connection with another human being. With every fiber of their being they want to touch and be touched by compassionate understanding, to know that their pain is felt and shared by another caring soul. Is it asking so much from another to want them to simply listen and not be thinking of some way to take advantage?

Some of the words I read out there FEEL real to me. I KNOW, the web is infested with some very good fiction writers and they may be taking me in. If that is the case, so be it. I hope I never discover the truth.

 

 

The Preacher said “On Saturday I saw my enemy. I named him and gained power over him.  He is always with me. The enemy is not the aging of my children. Their growth is a good thing and will bring new joys along the way. I am the enemy. Sometimes I don't know what I have until it becomes what I had.”

 

That is where we parents reside; in the past, appreciating hindsight for its honest and truthful revelations.

 

Our children grow so quickly they leave us in their dust; our vision obscured and blurred by their progress. I’ve often wondered if that is why we are driven so to take all the pictures we can; while we can?

 

Our youngest child is 34-years-old now.  How I cherished the hours I’ve spent in recounting the by-gone years since she matured and left home. What treasures she left with us. 

 

I think back to one recent, Easter weekend when we gathered together in our home with our daughter and her roommate to enjoy the Easter Feast and one another’s company.

 

While we waited for the meal to be put on the table, our daughter, her roommate and I went to my computer room so she could catch-up on some of the writings I had posted in my on-line journal.  I especially wanted her to read the words I wrote recently that I titled “When God Whispers.”  She read aloud while Sue and I listened.  Yes! I had written the words she was reading. They had been inspired by God’s Spirit and they were a blessing to me at the time of their composition. But now, with Kellie reading those same words, they sounded so fresh and new. I will admit; I wept openly as I listened.

 

Then, when the sister-in-law, Gail announced “Okay!” and it was time to eat, I asked Kellie to say the blessing over the meal.  I was so moved by her prayer, I actually marveled over it.  This child of ours, the fruit of our loins, spoke with such mature eloquence and wisdom, who would not have been impressed had they heard her pray? 

 

I have so much to be thankful for but words fall short of expressing the joy I now know as I watch and listen to this child God gave us to raise. There was so many times I felt inadequate and inept as a parent.  Many times I felt as if I had let God down in my responsibilities as guardian of this charge He had given over to our care. I’m so glad I was able to trust Him to help me over the rough spots.

 

He got more involved when she turned nineteen and she has matured quickly in her spiritual development under His guidance.

 

She will always be our little girl but I also know that now, she is His disciple and that He and we are well pleased in her.

 

As with The Preacher, I too am having visions of the future, not the past. I know what I had and I know what I have.  I am content. 

 

 

 

Frosty air and cold, numb toes, thickets of briars and other foes

 

A Hunter faces in pursuit of game, it's no sport for the weak or lame

 

Pleasure comes to those with strength, willing to trod a field's full length

 

To flush out Rabbits, Pheasant or Quail, steady hands and sure eyes won't fail

 

To hit the mark when properly led, with games wild meat a family is fed

 

It's not a necessity hunting's opponents will claim, to kill such cute creatures is really a shame

 

You don't need the meat in this day and age; to try and explain only increases their rage

 

There's no way you can justify the cruelty of it, someday they'll be gone and you'll have to quit

 

I feel no shame when I harvest wild meat, or partake in God's bounty He furnished to eat

 

Their hearts bleed in pity for the ones that we take, could I ask you something? How was your last steak?

 

You hire a Hit Man, you pay others to kill, and then feast on the flesh, your needs, others fill

 

The money we spend enriches the wild; with wetlands and mast crops, we feed nature's child

 

We take care of the wild things, furnish their needs, manage the herds, and other conservative deeds

 

You take all you want and put nothing back, for people who hunt, understanding you lack

 

I will continue to hunt the land you don't claim, or destroy with your progress, there in is the real shame

 

We harvest a few and provide for the rest, while you cut down their homes; where else can they nest?

 

You Bulldoze the land, destroying wildlife habitat; developing Real estate, is that where it's at?

 

You line your pockets, whatever the cost, for the places they live, true concern you have lost

 

You seek controversy or headlines in news, and put down all others not sharing your views

 

So let's weigh it all and see which is worse, progressive society or the Hunters you curse

 

 

 

 

 

And I found it over at Tanker's Mostly Cajun Blog at http://mostlycajun.com/wordpress/?p=6723.

If you need a laugh, please take the time to check this out.

Do I really want to do this?  I’m not sure I can think of one hundred things, interesting things about myself that is. Ava South did it and did it quite well. She issued a challenge to her readers and I love a good challenge. What follows here is not necessarily about me personally, but it’s about what I think and how I see the world around me.

 

01)        I’m not growing old gracefully. It’s more like stumbling into reality and falling flat on my face. It hurts like the dickens.

02)        I like being bald. The hairstyle is so easy to care for.

03)        If I had known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself. I used to believe that I’d never see forty years of age.

04)        There is no one more surprised about the knowledge I’ve acquired than myself.

05)        Sometimes, when I look in the mirror, I have a hard time accepting that the old man looking back at me is ME.

06)        The most difficult physical thing I have done lately is try to sit down in the bathtub. The next most difficult thing I’ve done is try to get back up.

07)        When it comes to what pants go with what shirt, I don’t have a clue. I always look like I got dressed in the dark.

08)        When I was sixteen I dreamed of earning one hundred dollars a week. When I was fifty and pulling in six hundred dollars a week I dreamed of earning a thousand. Now that I’m retired I’m happy with the one hundred dollars a week I earn by doing next to nothing.

09)        “The Golden Years” must have been the figment of someone’s imagination and I swallowed it hook, line and sinker.

10)        I like being thought of as a “Hillbilly”. I like to see the shocked look on people’s faces when they discover I’m not stupid, don’t wear overalls or chew tobacco, nor do I own a squirrel rifle that I carry around with me everywhere.

11)        I believe that the world would be a better place if all children were raised on a farm.

12)        To me, starting out in life poor was a good thing. It made the American Dream shine all the brighter.

13)        I think there’s something wrong with people who don’t like the smell of a puppy’s breath.

14)        I hate it when the guys I play golf with in the Senior Men’s League tell me that I’m just a kid at the age of sixty-two.

15)        Unless one is raising livestock, chickens or dogs, I don’t see the need for fences in a subdivision.

16)        In a world where children need to be trained to fear strangers, I have to ask myself what hope is their for the survival of mankind?

17)        I don’t know why I was so blessed to have someone like my wife fall in love with me.

18)        I like to visit unfamiliar, exotic places anywhere around the world; what I don’t like is the traveling required to get there.

19)        If you give me the right tools and the right replacement parts and enough time; I believe I can fix anything mechanical.

20)        I like to think I’m a good golfer and no one can prove otherwise so long as I don’t get out on the course and play.

21)        I’ve always wanted to be a Hermit or work for the government as a Forest Ranger and be posted in some remote lookout tower watching for signs of forest fires.

22)        There are few things I enjoy more than a good joke told by someone who is a good joke teller. It’s a lost art.

23)        If you tell anyone I said this, I’ll deny it, but I don’t think a movie is worth a hoot unless it makes me cry.

24)        I’m very much like a turtle. There’s a hard shell on the outside, but inside I’m soft and if I’m ever going to get anywhere, I have to stick my neck out and follow my instincts.

25)        Reading is not one of my favorite things to do. Considering that, it’s a wonder I’ve learned as much as I have.

26)        I believe I’m anti-social. I don’t care for crowds of people.

27)        I would rather write something and let others read it than be face to face and have to say it to them.

28)        I finally got that dog I’ve been wanting since I was a child.

29)        Be careful what you wish for - - You just may get it. I wished for a petite, loving lap-dog. What I got was a twenty pound plus cow of a dog that I’ve quickly learned to love more than even I ever expected.

30)        Thanks to extensive study under the teaching of some of the best in the field of napping and years of practice, I have acquired the ability to fall asleep anywhere, at any time. Zzzzzzzzzzz!

31)        (Twenty minutes later) Huh! Where was I? Oh yes – napping. I’ve fallen asleep while driving my car, walking guard duty for the Army and during some very good movies that I wanted to watch very badly.

32)        Some young, married men considered having to sleep on the couch as a form of rebuke by their upset spouse. I considered it a pleasure, a change of pace, a preview of my golden years.

33)        As hard as it is to believe; I hate amusement parks. I’ve been to a few but I seldom ride any of the rides. I like to find a shady bench and simply observe people as they walk by.

34)        Give me a moss covered fallen log in the middle of a deep woods on a crisp fall day and I’m in heaven on earth.

35)        Making friends is one of the hardest things in life for me. It seems I always find some way to turn other people off.

36)        I share all of my secrets with my pets. I know they can’t talk and won’t spill the beans. I pray they never learn how to write.

37)        I hate what they’ve done to prime time TV today. Survivor, Big Brother, etc. All the stuff that passes for reality programming. If that’s reality, I’m living in a dream world.

38)        I know just enough about computers to impress others who are novices in the field and to get myself into more trouble than I know how to fix.

39)        I am a deeply spiritual person. Since I know that many are not of the same ilk, I will only talk about it here if requested within the period of time it takes me to finish this. If you’re curious you had better hurry.

40)        I think George Carlin is a very funny man, he’s also full of IT.

41)        Lots of people want to be like Mike. I want to be like Tiger Woods – NO! Not a great golfer – RICH and POPULAR.

42)        I have eight brothers and sisters; two of one sex, five of the other sex and one who can’t make up their mind. I love them all.

43)        I would like to own a muscle car so I could burn up the back roads around here but I will settle for a new Toyota Tacoma truck with four-wheel drive and a V-6 engine. (See being careful what you wish for above.)

44)        I love to garden and I have two green thumbs but it’s so difficult to use a garden trowel without touching it with the other eight fingers of sure death to all plants.

45)        I would love to get to know all my neighbors but they simply will not come over and ring the doorbell and introduce themselves. Too Bad!

46)        I used to hunt and fish all the time and I’ve given both sports up. I wish I understood why.

47)        I created and printed out a sheet of new business cards the other day. It reads “Insights and Inspirations – Words are my business.”  I did it so I would have something to give people who ask what I am doing with my time since I’ve retired. It has all the URL’s to my various on-line websites. Right now it feels like I’ve gone out of business. I think I will have a SALE.

48)        During my youth I spent the majority of my summer days in and around swimming pools. My wife doesn’t like to swim. I haven’t been in a pool for over thirty-one years. Make of that what you will.

49)        I have smoked cigarettes for more than 47 years. I can’t seem to write a word if a lit one isn’t in the ashtray. I keep them and my combivent inhaler close by at all times. That speaks volumes about me I think. What are you hearing?

50)        My parents taught me “If you can’t say something good about someone – don’t say anything at all.” Have you noticed that I haven’t said a word about you?

 

51)        I don’t like to read newspapers.

 

52)        I honestly believe that there are certain people alive in the world today who (as my dear old Dad used to say) need killing.

 

53)        I wish there was such a thing as a GOOD NEWS Newspaper. Okay! So it would only be printed about once a month because of lack of materials to write about but that’s as much reading as I could stand anyway.

 

54)        The only time I watch the news on TV is when it is forced upon me. Let’s say the wife comes into the room where I do all my writing, turns on the TV and selects a news program. I can’t help but listen and find it very distracting. I also hate it when she say’s “Honey! LOOK!”

 

55)        I don’t agree with that survey they did recently, in which they tried to find the funniest joke in the world. I’ve heard much funnier jokes than that.

 

56)        I know; you are saying to yourself “What was the joke?” Tell us so we can decide for ourselves if it is the funniest joke in the world. This was the winner. Two sportsmen are out hunting. One of them falls to the ground holding his chest as if he is having a heart attack. The other hunter, who happened to be carrying a cellphone with him, dialed 911. When an EMT answered the call, the hunter explained that he believes his buddy has had a heart attack and is dead. The EMT on duty said “Sir! Calm down, I can help you but first we need to make sure that he is dead.” There is a period of silence and then the EMT heard a gunshot. The hunter comes back on the line and says, “Okay! Now what?” So...What do you think?

 

57)        I’ve been married three times. Did you already know that? Sorry!

 

58)        I like to cook. Surprised?

 

59)        I don’t like seafood. There are no oceans where I come from.

 

60)        I can take kids or I can leave them but I have to take them somewhere far away before I can leave them and not worry about them finding their way back.

 

61)        I found out the hard way that it’s not a good thing to ask the cop who just pulled you over if he wants to look in your trunk.

 

62)        All but one of my children have disowned me. Man! I hate when that happens.

 

63)        I like to commit random acts of kindness. It keeps people on their toes. They can’t help but wonder what I’m up to.

 

64)        I would like to know what happened to Bill, the neighbor who lives to the right of us. I haven’t seen or heard him in months. His wife and children are out and about at times but no sign of him. I’m beginning to suspect foul play. The grass is as high as an Elephant’s eye and no one seems to be concerned about it.

 

65)        I am one sixteenth Native American. I’ve tried to remember what the other fifteen sixteenths are but can’t seem to do it.

 

66)        I know that my family name is Irish in origin.

 

67)        I also have two children with red hair and freckles who love potatoes.

 

68)        I tend to laugh a lot when I am nervous. That behavior has gotten me into trouble many times. Think about it.

 

69)        I used to have a talking dog but I sold him. He was such a big liar. You couldn’t believe a thing he said.

 

70)        I am prone to road rage. Even I don’t like me when I am behind the wheel of a car. I’ve been known to do some very stupid things.

 

71)        I am not a multi-tasker. I have to pull off to the side of the road to blow the horn. I can’t walk and chew chewing gum at the same time.

 

72)        I love popsicles. They are simple, cheap and tasty. I usually go through a twenty-four pack in about a week.

 

73)        I don’t have many vices but the few I do have are all mine and you can’t have them. I know that’s selfish but I can’t help it.

 

74)        There are few things I like more than a piece of garlic bologna on a single slice of bread with a little miracle whip. It’s one of my new pup’s favorites too. She has gotten to the point of checking my breath periodically just to make sure I haven’t been cheating on her and having one without sharing it with her.

 

75)        I want to know! Is there anything more disgusting than the feel of warm dog feces in the palm of one’s hand when there is nothing more than a thin plastic baggie between the hand and it?

 

76)        I recently designed and printed out what I refer to as “Business Cards” that I can pass out to people who might be interested in visiting my various websites. At the top is printed “Insights and Inspirations.”  I wonder; does this project I’m working on right now qualify as either one?

 

77)        I have given away most of my hunting rifles and shotguns. I have also given away all but one or two of my fishing poles. I hunted and fished for most of my life. I read somewhere that giving away one’s cherished possessions is often a sign that one is on the verge of committing suicide. Now you know why I don’t like to read very much.

 

78)        I do not like to read the rants of other writers and I like it even less when I write a rant and force it upon others.

 

79)        I like to play golf with people who are better golfers than myself. I like to have discussions with people who are much more intelligent than me. I also like to hang around good looking men and women. What do you suppose I think of my personal appearance? 

 

80)        I have found out the perfect way to discourage phone solicitors who call at dinner time. As soon as you know who they are, just say “Please hold on for a minute” and lay the phone down and go back to eating your dinner.

 

81)        My favorite TV sitcom is Everybody loves Raymond.

 

82)        The other day, while playing a round of golf, I hit a bad shot and said, “Damn it!”  Am I going to hell? If you think I am, please keep it to yourself. Allow me to die with this false sense of security.

 

83)        I have no idea what a Muffler Bearing is. Or for that matter, what a windshield wiper on a Goose’s behind is. My Dad acted like he knew but wouldn’t tell me.

 

84)        I also wonder why they give names to hurricanes. They don’t name tornadoes. 

 

85)        I can play the harmonica. Isn’t that impressive? I own nine of them but I only have one mouth.

 

86)        While I was sitting here writing this, I missed tonight’s episode of a rerun of Everybody Loves Raymond. EGAD!

 

87)        I honestly believe that I’m getting senile. I think it is time to start sewing my name and address and telephone number into all my clothes.

 

88)        I don’t think the last great, unexplored frontier is outer space or the vast oceans. I think it is the human imagination.

 

89)        I wrote a short story for children a long time ago. Few people know this; but it was used as the basis for a Church Youth program, stage play. Is it okay if I feel a sense of pride in such a small accomplishment?

 

90)        I was raised on pinto beans and fried potatoes. To this very day, that is one of my favorite meals. Wouldn’t you think I would have gotten tired of them by now?

 

91)        When I was very young, there was only a few vegetables that I liked the taste of. Today there aren’t very many vegetables that I don’t like the taste of. Do those last two sentences have dangling participles? I never did learn what they were.

 

92)        I ran into a man Thursday who guessed that I did a lot of writing. When I asked him how he knew, he replied “Because you seem to have a very extensive vocabulary.”  His name is Carl. Thanks Carl.

 

93)        I really do wish I had paid more attention in English class. I also wish I had bothered to get some formal education in the art of writing. Has there ever been a blind painter?

 

94)        I have a congenital spinal defect that has been exacerbated by arthritis. It has been one heavy cross to bear for the last six years. I have come to believe that there is a positive side to human suffering. I can’t hardly wait to find out what the positive affect of my suffering is.

 

95)        I know there are people living in the world today who are in much worse pain than myself. They have my deepest empathy and sympathy. I would have pity on them but they probably wouldn’t want it. I know I don’t want yours.

 

96)        I could finish out this project simply complaining about all my aches and pains but I don’t think you would enjoy reading about it too much.

 

97)        Today I got outside and trimmed up the hedges under the picture window out front. During the process I came across a Praying Mantis making her nest. I skipped that area until she was finished and then I made sure that I didn’t cut off the branch she had mounted it on. At the time I thought I was doing the right thing. I doubt that some other insects would appreciate it if they knew what I did. Don’t anyone tell on me.

 

98)        I don’t know what’s gotten into me. I’m getting much too mellow in my old age.

 

99)        It has taken me a long time to learn about the joy that results from giving to others who are in need.

 

100)    I honestly didn’t think I would ever get here, but here I am.